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Humour
Between the sexes
The Differences between the sexes
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A man will pay two dollars for a
one-dollar item he wants.
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A woman will pay one dollar for a
two-dollar item that she doesn't want.
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A woman will always cherish the memory
of the man who wanted to marry her.
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A man, cherishes the memory of the woman
who didn't.
-
A woman worries about the future until
she gets a husband.
While a man never worries about the future until he gets
a wife.
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Men marry because they are tired.
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Women marry because they are
curious.
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Net Result - Both are
disappointed.
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A successful man is one who makes more
money than his wife can spend.
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A successful woman is one who can find
such a man.
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To be happy with a man you must
understand him a lot and love him a little.
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To be happy with a woman you must love
her a lot, and NOT try to understand her at all.
-
Married men live longer than single
men.
-
But married men are a lot more willing
to die.
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Any married man should forget his
mistakes - there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
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The Style: Men wake up as good-looking
as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night
Truth
Marriage: A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
The Battle: A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Husbands: Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it. There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman before marriage and after marriage.
TOP 20 PROGRAMMER RESPONSES WHEN THEIR PROGRAMS
DON'T WORK
20. "That's weird..."
19. "It's never done that before."
18. "It worked
yesterday."
17. "How is that possible?"
16. "It must be a hardware
problem."
15. "What did you type in wrong to get it to crash?"
14. "There
is something funky in your data."
13. "I haven't touched that module in
weeks!"
12. "You must have the wrong version."
11. "It's just some
unlucky coincidence."
10. "I can't test everything!"
9. "THIS can't be
the source of THAT."
8. "It works, but it hasn't been tested."
7.
"Somebody must have changed my code."
6. "Did you check for a virus on your
system?"
5. "Even though it doesn't work, how does it feel?
4. "You can't
use that version on your system."
3. "Why do you want to do it that
way?"
2. "Where were you when the program blew up?"
And the Number 1
Programmer Response When Their Programs Don't Work
1. "I thought I fixed
that."
One Line Sardarji Jokes
- Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?
Because
below 18 was not allowed.
- How do you measure a Sardar's
intelligence?
Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear
- What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand
grenade
at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
- What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at
you?
Run like crazy....he's got a hand grenade in his
mouth.
- How do you make a Sardar laugh on
Saturday?
Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
- What is the Sardar doing when he holds his
hands
tightly over his ears?
Trying to hold on to a thought.
- Why do Sardars work seven days a week?
So you
don't have to re-train them on Monday.
- Why can't Sardars make ice cubes?
They always
forget the recipe.
- How did the Sardar try to kill the bird?
He
threw it off a cliff.
- What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to
ear?
A wind tunnel.
- What do you see when you look into a Sardar's
eyes?
The back of his head.
- What do you call a sardar who drinks only
beer?
Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).
- What do you call a sardar who has only one
drink?
Just-one Singh.
- Why does Sardar always smile during
lightning
storms?
They think their picture is being taken.
- Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their
shoes?
Toes Go In First.
- How can you tell when Sardar sends you a
fax?
It has a stamp on it.
- Why can't Sardar dial 911?
They can not find
the eleven on the phone
- How do you get Sardar on the roof?
Tell him
the drinks are on the house.
- "Oh, look at the dead bird."
Sardar looked
skyward and said "Where, Where?
- What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in
common?
You always hear about them but you never see them.
- Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman
as
opposed to a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.
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